The Joy of Not Doing

Sometimes, I hit a wall when I'm creating content for this site or working on a new keynote topic. No matter what I try, I just can't get my brain to cooperate. I might spend a few days staring at the wall, trying to force the ideas to come, and start chastising myself for being "lazy" or wonder if I've just run out of things to say.

Eventually, I decide to take a break. And I always wish I had done it sooner, because taking a break gives my mind and ideas a chance to rest and regenerate. I don't recommend waiting until you feel burned out and overwhelmed to give yourself a break. I do recommend that you regularly build in some time for yourself to rest and recover your energy and your perspective, even for a short time, if that's all you can do.

I feel rejuvenated and happier with my life as a whole, because I took the time to do whatever I wanted to do, and that included a whole lot of nothing. I do not do nothing very easily, and usually when I am doing nothing, I'm feeling guilty about it. The type of work I've decided to do with A Decided Difference is intimately intertwined with my life and my experiences, so it is very hard to separate from it.

I recently took several days off to recharge. The most valuable choice I made during my break was to stop feeling guilty if all I wanted to do was nothing, or to play games online, or to stay in the shower until the hot water ran out, and then take a nap. My brain was really, really tired, and giving myself permission to not do was exactly what I needed.

I had started assembling a complicated jigsaw puzzle a few weeks ago, and working on that occupied the part of my mind that feels the need to be busy. While my attention was focused on the details of color and shape, the part of me that frets and worries and over-thinks fell silent. I think that happened because I chose to put my attention on the puzzle and let everything else fall away for a while.

Resting Is Not Lazy

Some people, and I am one of them, worry that if you let yourself do nothing, you'll lose your motivation and become a lazy slug. We believe this because it's human nature to take the easy way, and because we've been steeped in a culture shaped by the Puritan work ethic. However, it's also human nature to want to try new things, and to do things that are challenging but satisfying.

Letting yourself rest for a little bit will not turn you into a slacker. The second most valuable choice I made was to plan some activities for my time off, just because they were fun. For example, I let myself take an afternoon to do a craft project.

When I was finished, I hung it on my kitchen window, and every time I look at it, I feel a sense of satisfaction, because it turned out very well. Doing the project was fun, but there are added dimensions and benefits. I can revisit the pleasant memory of the process of making it, which was enjoyable even though I did burn my fingers a couple of times with the hot glue.

I also took time to get out in the fresh air and move my body. I didn't do anything strenuous, but I did enjoy walking on sunny days. There's something about being in nature that's soothing, so I chose to visit a nearby greenway that goes along the river. I wasn't always deliberate about paying attention to nature, but when I did, it was very refreshing. I enjoyed the sounds of the river as the water rushed over the rocks. I love that sound.

I watched and listened to the birds. I spotted some bright red and deep blue berries on some of the bushes. There's a lake near my home, and I frequently see a blue heron, stalking fish or flying low over the surface of the water. I recently talked about how getting outdoors is beneficial in another post if you want to read more about that topic.

Being refreshed by being outside in nature doesn't have to mean backpacking in the wilderness. It can also mean enjoying walking on a paved trail or the lakeside in a subdivision. It also doesn't have to mean being alone with your thoughts.

You can walk with a partner, family member, or friend. When I walk with one of my friends, we usually take well over an hour to walk four miles, and the time just flies by because I'm having fun. I think one of the reasons taking a break can be so restorative is that I really honored who I am and what I like to do.

Take Time for Small Pleasures

During my break, I watched a couple of movies that I've been meaning to see for literally decades. One of them was released when I was a young teenager, and the other when I was a young mother. I was relieved that both of them have stood the test of time, and I was glad to finally see them.

I'm obsessed with the New York times crossword puzzles, and sometimes I feel a little bad about how much time I spend on them, like that time could and should (the dreaded "S" word!) be better spent on something else.

But who could possibly make that judgment for me? As I've often said over the last several years, enjoying your own life is the one activity you cannot outsource. If I'd rather nerd out over the crossword than take salsa lessons, so what? One is not inherently more valuable than the other.

Before my break, I'd let myself get into a situation where I was truly feeling frustrated and burned out, and I felt like I had nothing of any value to offer to my followers. After taking time to remember what I love and letting myself have some of those things, I feel much, much better.

Choosing A Decided Difference Every Day

A Decided Difference is a way of thinking and living that will never be perfect and will never be finished. It is a practice, a work in progress, a continuous process. I'm certainly not perfect in always thinking in healthy ways.

I fall into bad habits. I let myself get into bad moods. To be successful, I just have to remember I have choices and return to the techniques I know will work to help me, not just to cope, but to thrive as I go through my life.

With all the stresses and strains of daily life, I had forgotten to be a little bitter, that is, to do a little bit at a time to keep burnout at bay. Even when I wasn't actively working on material, I felt like I should be and mentally berating myself for failing.

I'd reached a point where I could no longer be productive, because I wasn't giving myself the grace of some time to do whatever I wanted to do, including doing nothing at all. American culture does not value doing nothing. Even if we take time off from our formal work, we may feel pressured to take a big trip to some place that is supposed to be relaxing. Don't let yourself get so burned out that it feels like your only choice is to throw in the towel and apologize for it later.

I understand that you may not have the luxury of doing what I did. I'm fortunate not to answer to a boss. My children are adults. I don't have to spend time caring for loved ones who can't care for themselves. But even if you have a demanding job, small children, and or have to be a caregiver, please try to give yourself the grace of some recovery time.

Even if you can't take off for two weeks, please do take the occasional long hot bath, or read a mystery novel, or watch that movie you've meant to see for a long time. Work a puzzle. Make a craft.

Let yourself go for a walk on a sunny day, not for exercise, but just to enjoy the sunshine and the flora and fauna. Or do whatever it is that lights you up, that gives you the energy to return to the genuine obligations of your life. You are worth it.