Creating the Good Life

Creating the good life. Will you believe me if I tell you it's easier than you think? And will you be surprised if I say the one thing you might have to change is your thinking?

Yeah, you're not surprised, are you? It isn't necessarily easy, but it is simple to do when you choose to, and you can start choosing to before you've even finished reading this post.

In my life, I've dealt with some pretty terrible things. For those of you who have followed my writing or podcast for years, you may know some of what I'm talking about. I've had lots of grief to process over these years, and it's easy to get lost in mourning what was, or what it appeared to be.

When you have suffered great loss, especially traumatic loss, it takes a while to come to terms with it, even if you are basically optimistic and as determined as I am. And I'm not saying you can avoid the process. If you gloss over the whole thing, or stuff it down, or pretend it didn't hurt, the fallout can pop up later, and usually that happens at the most inconvenient times.

I believe in facing the stuff that needs to be fixed. That doesn't mean the whole of your life, or even the whole of a difficult period, has to be painful and joyless. Here is where the part about changing your thinking comes in.

Start By Changing Your Thinking

I'm talking about deliberately changing the way you think in the moment, as well as in the long term. When you practice the change in the moment, the long term practically takes care of itself because you are building the habit of better thinking, and you're building it one small choice at a time. I'm going to suggest some ways to do this and offer some examples, but of course, you're in charge of the process for yourself

You may use my ideas to get you started or restarted, but when you create your own ways of making a good life, those ways will work better for you because they're tailor-made for you and for your situation.

One suggestion I have is to change how you look for things as well as how you look at them. This is a two-step process of noticing and savoring. This can happen in just a few brief moments, but it can create little pockets of happiness in your day.

It could be something as simple as satisfaction at a well-organized desk or closet or seeing pretty flowers blooming in your neighbor's yard as you walk to the mailbox. When you look for joy and beauty, you will find little delights all around.

Small Pleasures

There are often small blessings to be had, even in times of deep sorrow. I've spoken before about my beloved Aunt B and the precious time I got to spend with her at the end of her life. She was an amazing cook, and we spent a fair amount of time reminiscing about the food at family feasts over the years.

When she was in the hospital, I would carry in whatever crochet project I was working on at the time, and she enjoyed looking over whatever I was making. Again, these were not moments of earth-shattering importance, nor were they the extreme peak experiences we like to make so much fuss about. But when I remember Aunt B now, I think of how she loved the process of creation, whether she was making a cake or a quilt or a craft.

She taught me the time taken to focus on enjoying beauty is never wasted. You can choose to frame things in a positive light, even if you're going through some difficulty. It is so easy to plow blindly through our days, laser-focused on the daily grind of whatever it is we fill our days with.

And I'm as guilty of this as anyone, by the way. But just a few moments ago, I took a little time to appreciate the pretty wood grain of the secondhand desk I recently bought. I appreciate its beauty, and I appreciate how solid and well-made it is.

I liked my old desk, but it was too small and really not well-suited to the kind of work I do. Sitting at my new-to-me desk makes all my work, even paying bills, a little easier. And if I will just pay attention for a few nanoseconds, I feel very grateful that I found it.

Savoring the good things in life makes life so much better. Even if the good things are stupid simple. I'm willing to bet you can see something right now, a person or a pet or a possession, that if you looked at it, really looked at it, would make you feel joyful.

Choosing Your Attitude

Going through your time on earth with optimism and gratitude is a choice. So is going through it with pessimism and complaint. A few years ago, I was deeply inspired by an old friend facing a terminal illness with far more grace than I could ever muster.

Even as his health has declined and he had to navigate choices about hospice care, he continued to post uplifting thoughts on Facebook. He wrote about how good life is, and he encouraged everyone to make the most of what they have.

One post of his in particular still sticks in my mind. "You can change your attitude in one minute, and that can change your entire day." And of course, he's right. If we will just raise our heads from our focus on loss and lack and pain and fear, we will see that life is truly beautiful.

This is not to say negative things will never overwhelm you for a time. Pain and loss and grief are real, and pretending they are not isn't healthy. My friend's suffering was real. My suffering is real. Your suffering is real. But suffering is not all there is.

Joy and beauty are real too. And we get to make the choice of what to look at, what to dwell upon, and what to fill our minds and hearts with.

Years ago, I wrote a blog post about receiving a package of some products I had ordered. They weren't anything special. It was just some shampoo and other personal care items. But when I opened up the cardboard box, instead of being plain brown, it was decorated on the inside.

That little unexpected pop of color, that fun surprise, brightened a gray day in the dead of winter. Someone commented that it was a silly thing to write about. He thought I should...Uh-oh, there's that word. He thought I should address more serious topics if I was serious about helping people. He tried to shame me out of my moment of joy.

But he didn't succeed, and all these years later, I remember that moment of surprise happiness, and it makes me feel happy all over again. Someone might think that you are silly, or frivolous, or call you a Pollyanna. But our days can be full of little happy moments like those if we are willing to let them be.

And as I said earlier, when you build the habit of being happy in the small things, the big things often take care of themselves. I plan to be here again next week with more silly and frivolous ideas for making your one wild and precious life a little more awesome.